"Dealing" in Taxes

Length of Shower: 6 min.--It’s that time of year when I finally realize it is actually a new year, and so I was thinking today about my taxes.  And then I thought about drug dealers; random, I know.  But I was wondering about those big SUV’s they drive and how much those must cost.  Expensive, right!  Now surely driving one of those goes along with your chosen profession also, don't you think?  So, I was wondering, do they get to write that off on their taxes?  And while they’re at it, how about all that gas those things guzzle; do they write that off too?  And those massive stereos they play loudly while cruising the ‘hood?  If I were a drug dealer I would totally write that off.  Heck, I’d write all that stuff off.  Let’s face it, that stuff is expensive and is obviously part of the job.  But wait!  What profession do they claim to be on their tax forms?  Obviously they can't claim "drug dealer."  So, are they listed as “public servant” or maybe “community mentor” or even some kind of “minister” since drugs can be arguably a “religious experience,” right?  How about “neighborhood entertainer?”  Hmmm, I wonder about these things.  Of course on second thought they probably just list themselves as “self employed” on all forms of government paperwork and write everything off as a business expense.  Yea, that makes more sense.