First Time Sex

Length of Shower: 6 to 9 minutes --WARNING TO MY MOTHER: Mom, you prolly don't want to read this.

The other day I was hanging out with one of my best friends and the age old question of when to have sex came up.  See, he was going on the third date with this woman and wanted to know if he should "prepare" or be expecting anything.  I said "yes of course" but this female friend of ours chimed in and said "not necessarily."  Well, both of us men were immediately intrigued and asked what that meant. That's when she explained, "Each man a woman dates is different and makes her feel different.  Plus each woman is different."  This did not help us understand woman, sex or how to get sex any more than we understand exactly how escalators work.

She took the confused looks on our faces as such and continued her explanation, "Sometimes we (women) will give it up on the first date because we are sure the relationship isn't going anywhere but are fairly certain a guy is good in bed.  We are human after all and would like to get something out of this date.  But other times we may give it up because we have either been friends with him for so long or have done enough insider research and are sure he isn't a jerk who is going to screw us and leave us.  Both of those are rare though.  Most of the time we (woman again) want to have sex with you (men) just as much as you want to have sex with us on a first date.  The problem is that we have more will power and we really like you and would like to see it go farther than the first date.  We know that by stringing you along a bit longer we can both get to know each other better and therefore actually start a real relationship, which is what we want."

Our confused looks turned more confused, "Wait.  So, your saying that a woman is more likely to give it up on a first date if the date is going badly?"

"Yes.  And no.  See there is also a huge reputation issue hanging above most women's heads.  We are worried about being considered a slut or easy and no woman wants that label placed on them.  We women also know that for the relationship as a whole to succeed we need to hold off on sex for at least three or four dates."

I quickly responded, "Yea, but most of my best and longest term relationships started with sex on the first date."
"And yet you are over 30 and still single!"
"Good point. Go on."
"As I was saying," she continued, "if sex is held off until at least the third date then the chances of a successful long term relationship, ie. true love that lasts forever, go way up because you are building a stronger base to the relationship that doesn't include sex."
"But every good relationship should have a healthy sex life to it" my friend threw out.
"Yes that's true but making sex the actual base of the relationship is dangerous since that will fade over time but things like 'common bonds' and 'trust' and 'honesty' and 'open communication' are the true building blocks of the healthiest relationships."

We both sat in silent contemplation until that slow smile of true understanding revealed itself on our faces.  My friend and I both felt smarter for having listened to this wise woman.  We felt more understanding of the importance of waiting until the third date.  We felt wiser to the ways of women and dare I say we even felt a tad "enlightened."  But then my friend became worried and had to ask the next logical question...."So how many dates is too many before having sex?  Is there a 'sex window' that can be missed?"

"Oh brother!" she replied.  "Why are guys so clueless?"

That, my friends, is another blog for another time.

Beer Shower

Length of Shower: 9 min --I had a friend tell me the other day that he sometimes saves time and get’s “primed for the night” by drinking a beer while in the shower.  Really?  By now you all know how much I love a good shower, but I can’t think of the last time I was in the shower and thought, “Hey, I could really go for a beer right now.”  I’m going to go out on a limb and say that he is in the minority on the whole drinking in the shower thing.  I mean when was the last time you saw a beer tap in a shower?  Never, right?  Now, to be clear I am not talking about a shower of beer where beer is raining down on you like in some of my better dreams.  No, I'm talking about actually taking a shower to get clean, but drinking a beer at the same time.  Just doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.  

On the other hand, as the author of this blog of shower writings I should try it on account of “research.”   And in the name of research I should try a few while I'm in there just to make sure I'm drinking the right type and flavor.  I'm looking forward to this, I’ll let you know how it goes.

1st Grade Humor

Length of Shower: 6 min--Today I remembered one of my favorite jokes as a kid.  It goes like this:

“Wanna hear a dirty joke?  A boy fell in a mud puddle.  Wanna hear a clean joke?  He took a bath with bubbles.  Wanna hear a dirty joke?  'Bubbles' was the girl next door."

I still think that’s funny!

Hairy Questions

Length of Shower: both long and short at the same time --Hair is weird.  It is.  It makes no sense really...at least not to me.

For example, the other day I was casually looking at the hair on my forearm during a commercial break of a basketball game.  And that's when I noticed this unusually long hair right in the middle of my forearm.  I mean it was so long I could wrap it around my finger...twice!  But why was it there and how did I not notice this giant among all my normal length hairs before?  Did it spring up over night?  Have I just been neglecting to look at my forearms?  So, I looked at my other forearm and that was fine, until my eyes wondered to my upper arm and there I found not only one strangely long hair, but it was right next to a small white bald patch.  What?!  What is going on with my hair?

I started to panic and have flashbacks to all the Werewolf and Teen Wolf movies I've seen.  I ran to the bathroom, flipped on the light and smacked my nose up close to the mirror.  I looked myself in the eyes to search for signs of yellowing or dilation.  Nothing.  My eyes were fine.  I checked my ears for signs of weird growth.  Nothing either.  But wait, what is that hair?  Another long and out of place hair growing on the tip of one of my ears.  Why?  Why do my ears suddenly after all these years need to have hair on them?  I get more confused as I check my other ear.  What!?  Now I have long hairs, two of them, coming from within my ear?  Why?  Why do my ear canals have to be coated in long, useless hairs suddenly?  Maybe I AM becoming a wolf.  It's just taking longer than in the movies, a LOT longer.

My search continues up to my head, but things become more confusing.  If I'm becoming a wolf and my body is slowly covering itself with hair, then why am I becoming bald?  Yes, I suddenly notice that my hairline is backing off from my forehead.  It is actually receding.  Like an army retreating in fear of something.  Why?  And as look to where they could be retreating I realize it is to nowhere, because I'm a little balder in the back of my head too.  I'm getting balder in the very spot that seems to be the origin of all the hair on my head.  Why?  Why am I getting hair where I don't need hair and losing it where I need it?  I'm so confused.

So, back into the mirror I go searching for answers to this hair follicle debacle.  That's when I notice that losing or gaining hair isn't the only problem but now they are changing colors too!  What?  Why is the hair on the side of my head turning a grayish silver?  That color isn't even natural is it?  Where did that color come from?  Nothing else on my body is that color.  Why?  Why now?  I'm so confused about this hair business.

I stare into my own eyes looking for some sort of answers or peace, but there it is again.  Just above my eyes there is a combination of all these issues gathered in one small and very noticeable place smack on my face!  My eyebrows have both long and short hairs some of which are silver or grey and at the edges I can see where hair used to be but is no longer!  What is happening to me?  Is this why old people go insane?  Because they search for answers to this aging problem and only find more aging problems?  Oh where will it all end?

In a panic I tear off my clothes to examine the rest of the hair on my body and there I finally find some solace.  My leg hairs seem to all be in place and of the correct color and are laying there in a light covering on my legs and seem at peace.  I slowly calm down as I draw peace from their contentment.  And that is when the answer comes to me.  I know what I must do for the rest of my days.  I will go on with my life wearing a ski mask and hat with a long sleeved shirt a pair of comfortable boxer shorts and flip flop sandals.  That way the world will only ever see the best hairy parts of me and I will be able to walk with pride knowing that the grey and silver and bald and long hairs are all covered up and safe.  Yes, that is what I will do.  Ha!  I have defeated you and your weirdness you hairy hairs.  What do you think about that?

Wait, is that an ingrown hair on the tip of my knee?  What!?????!!?

Loofah Love

Length of Shower: I lost track of time exfoliating my skin-- So, I am a man.  That is pretty concrete and non-disputable.  I am also single.  Therefore I am what is commonly called a "bachelor."  So, by the rules of manhood and especially bachelorhood I should only have two things in my shower: one shampoo bottle, and one bar of soap.  And I do, in fact, have those two things.  But I discovered a wonderful object the other day and have now added it to my shower and I like it!  This item would be my new shower friend; the LOOFHA.

What a wonderfully colorful and handy tool for getting my skin cleaner than it has ever been.  And not to mention softer and smoother.  I don't care what you guys say about me, I love my loofha.  After cleaning with my luffa I not only feel cleaner and smoother but also slightly more confident and even a little sexier.  Does that make me gay?  No!  Does that make me less of a man?  No!  Does that make me metrosexual?  Maybe, but I don't care.

My loofa adds so much to my shower experience that has been missing for way too long.  The excellent exfoliation is one thing but it also adds the color to my otherwise slightly boring looking shower.  Plus, my loofa kinda reminds me of my favorite bathtub toys as a kid; only this is a toy for an adult.  My loofha adds a feeling of slight scrubbing that makes me feel I am actually getting cleaner.  So much better than just using a bar of soap on my body...Ugh!  Finally, the loofa hangs in my shower independently of any shelf or ledge to sit on.  It just hangs there with its brilliant lime green color watching carefully over it's domain until I need to step in and use it.  Because of all this I will say it again, I love my new loofa!  

On a side note, there are three acceptable ways to spell "loofa" and they are all represented in the above blog :)

Faith Leaping (Part 4)

Watch the clip

Length of Shower: something like 40 days and 40 nights --Continuing the series on Leaps of Faith, this is the final section, Part 4.

Landing and Looking

Ok, we’ve leaped.  Now what?  Well, let’s look around.  What opportunities do we see?  What doors has God opened for us? 

Think about the scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when he takes that literal “Leap of Faith.”  He is standing on the edge of a bottomless chasm and needs to get to the other side.  He looks around for any other possible way, but there is none.  Right before he turns to go back, he closes his eyes, holds his heart , and whispers, “I believe.”  Then he takes a large and confident step forward into the chasm.  Amazingly, he lands on solid rock!  Yes, rock where there seemed to be air.  After he lands, the camera moves and we get to see the logical explanation for the optical illusion that there was nothing there.  We can then see how Indiana can get across.  It is one of my favorite scenes in all of film.

That’s the point, right?  It is not until AFTER we leap that God can catch us; and THEN we are shown our new path.  “God’s word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” (Psalms 119:105)  The word there is lamp -- not a beaming flood light that shows us the entire journey, but just a lamp to show us one or two steps at a time.  One or two steps until it’s time to stare into the darkness and the unknown and take our next Leap of Faith.

Faith Leaping (Part 3)

Length of Shower: You have to risk picking up that foot in order to get it clean --Continuing the 4-part series on Leaps of Faith, this is part 3.

The Leap

Taking the actual leap means a couple of things have to happen.  First of all, we have to leap with full commitment and confidence, no halfway about it.  We can’t test the waters with our pinky-toe first, we just have to leap.  Also, we have to be willing to not look back.  An old Guideposts quote says, “Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up.”  I can’t remember ever seening an athlete of any kind looking backwards while they leaped.   It’s absurd to think anyone would.  So we can’t either.  Keep the eyes forward.

Old sayings are worth repeating, like “God works in mysterious ways.”  It’s true God does, but it’s about control. God can’t work God’s magic if we have control of the wand…with both hands…and a firewall…and security password only we know.  It’s about that other saying, “Let go and let God.”

Whenever I leap, and often when I am not leaping, there are two things I hang onto -- these are my ‘rocks.’  First is Romans 8:31 “If God is for us, who can be against us?”   The second is from a poster I used to have growing up.   It said “The One who has put the determination within your heart, will give you the ability to succeed.”  When we leap, let’s hang onto those, and let everything else go.

Faith Leaping (Part 2)

Length of Shower: Practice makes perfect, even in the shower --Continuing the 4-part series on Leaps of Faith, this is part 2.

Leaping Takes Practice

FAITH: (noun) Believing in something so much that no evidence or logical proof can sway you otherwise. When I read that statement I crumble a little bit. How many times have I thought that I had "faith" in God's plan for me, only to discover the immense amount of doubt that lives within me? LEAP:(verb) The act of jumping or propelling oneself forward. So a leap of faith is taking my faith and putting it into action. I want to have a strong enough faith in God to act upon it, but do I really have that?

The answer is yes!  Our faith is stronger than we realize. We actively trust God daily—every time we ask someone to pray for us, each time we put part of our hard earned paycheck into the offering plate or give to a charity, or even when we feel compelled to give that person on the corner a dollar and say, "God Bless." These are all little leaps of faith--warm ups for that giant leap that might seem scary. Practice makes perfect--and we have been practicing every day. Remember that co-worker or friend you invited to church?   Remember that friend or family member you listened to and comforted and told them "Everything will be all right?"  That was putting faith into action. We can do this. God is already waiting with open arms in the pool of life, so what are we waiting for? We have prepared, we have been practicing little by little, so let's leap!  Or if you are still a little leery, take the advice of the old Zen saying, "Leap and the net will appear."  But more on that tomorrow :)

Faith Leaping (Part 1)

Length of Shower: Always prepare to get a little wet --Today I thought about a 4-part series that I wrote a few years ago on taking leaps of faith.  The next 4 entries will be those short snips of encouragement.  I hope you get as much out of them as I did in both writing them then, and re-reading them now.

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Preparation is the key to most things in life.  Athletes stretch and mentally prepare before a competition.   Presidents prepare before giving a speech.  And if we take a vacation, we save money, reserve tickets and plan our activities.  Taking a leap of faith takes preparation too.  As they say to teachers, “A little prep goes a long way.”

So, how do we prepare for this Leap of Faith?

First and foremost, we should always start with the planner God gave us, the Word.  Not just the Bible, but other books too.  There are some great books that deal with this very subject (and they aren’t limited to the length of this article or even to Christian Book stores.  Look at The Dream Giver, The Alchemist, or If You Want to Walk on Water You Gotta Get Out Of the Boat).  Collectively, those resources will help us prepare so our leap is a strong one filled with confidence!

Next, meditative prayer is key.  Without an ongoing conversation with the Lord, we can just “fugheddaboudit”- it’s not going to happen.  Spend some alone time with God.  Find that quiet place without distractions where you can pray and meditate on this possible leap.  Notice possible leap.  Be ready; sometimes God’s answer is “Not yet.”

Thirdly, we have to listen, listen, listen.  The answers to our prayers for guidance are around us all along. We just need to change our receptors.  People are first.  God loves to answer us through people, and not necessarily other Christians.  God’s hand is at work in everything, so listen to the people around you.  The second listen is being aware of events around us.  “Coincidences” can be God’s way of whacking us on the head to say, “Go this way!”  The last listen is for that gut feeling.  Most of the time the answer is in our gut if we’re willing to be honest about what it’s saying. 

The Shaving Order

Length of Shower: 12 min.--So, shaving is something that all of us do, or should do, at least every few days.  And while the ladies can get away with not shaving for the entire winter season sometimes, we men have to continue to shave all year long because it involves that one thing you can't hide from American society: our face!

So, what is the proper way to shave?  I'm not talking about going with the grain or using shaving cream, I'm talking about the order with which you shave the areas of your face.  Do you start in the center of your face near your lips and work your way to your ears?  Do you start near the Adam's Apple and work your way up the face?  Do you do the left side and then the right side?  Right then left?  Which way is best?  I tend to think that it doesn't really matter and so it's actually a decision of personal preference.

For me, I like to shave outside in.  So, I start with my right side near my ear and side burn.  I shave the entire right side cheek (not neck yet) but leave about an inch from my lips.  Then I do the left side in the same fashion.  Third, I go back to the right side and get the neck to the Adam's Apple.  Then the left side neck to the Adam's Apple.

With the center of my face and neck now covered with hair and shaving cream I begin to work up the neck starting just below the Adam's Apple.  You have to be very careful around the Adam's Apple because that is where most men cut themselves during shaving.  It is a difficult task shaving there which is why I wait until this moment to do it.  See by shaving a large amount of my face before this I have given myself a warm-up for this difficult and sensitive area of my neck.  However, I also didn't put it off until the end because I maybe in a hurry to finish or perhaps even just tired of shaving by then.  That is why the Adams Apple area is shaved directly in the middle of the shaving process.

Now I have a goatee looking area of shaving cream on my face.  This is also an area you need to be careful with because cutting the lips and not only be painful, but also bleed like there is no tomorrow.  So, this is where I shave down the sides of my lips and then under my lips very carefully and I finish off with the chin.  I like shaving my chin for some reason.  It's round sure, but it is both strong and soft and for some reason I always get a good close shave here without having to concentrate or worry too much about anything.  Which is good, because the final step is left and it is not a step to rush through.

Lastly, I have what I call the "Hitler stash" remaining.  It is the small area just above my lips and below my nose but not very wide and it looks like a Hitler mustache made of shaving cream.  Most of the times I resist doing funny impressions of Hitler at this point, but every once in a while I make "Hitler" do silly things to amuse myself.  Shaving here though needs to be slow and deliberate and don't hesitate to get right up into the nostrils to get those tiny little seemingly clear hairs growing there.  And also don't forget those same little microscopic hairs on your upper lip.

The final step in the shaving process is to take a good look at your entire face to make sure you didn't miss any areas.  Double check your jaw bones and upper cheeks and then make sure that your side burns are both even and level with each other; no one wants a lopsided face.

And that is the order with which I shave and will someday teach my future son to shave.  I hope this helped you men and gave you woman a deeper appreciation of a good shave on a man.  While you ladies take your time with your hair everyday, we men are taking our very lives into danger every 3 or 4 days by putting a blade to our faces so that you keep kissing us on the lips and cheeks :)

Happy Breakfast

Length of shower:  Since it was the first shower of the day, it was really important -- So they say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I believe that.  After all, it kick starts your day in a number of ways.  First, it is the first thing you put into your body.  That means it is the first amount of fuel that your body will use to energize itself.  Secondly, breakfast is a good way to start a routine to your day.  The way you have breakfast can really help set your mood and outlook on the entire day.  If you are rushing out the door drinking some quickly made shake of some sort how do you think your day will go?  On the other hand, if you sit down at a table on your deck or balcony and soak up the first rays of sun as you slowly devour half a grapefruit I bet your day goes a little more stress free.  Plus, just eating breakfast regularly has been known to improve concentration, help regulate weight, and even lower your cholesterol.

So, with breakfast being so important, what we choose to eat can be important too.  I know that the ideal breakfast according to marketing and TV commercials is a plate of eggs, bacon, hash browns and pancakes.  And while I do love that plate of deliciousness for breakfast, it's probably not ideal everyday.  After all, to make all that takes a lot of time and then to eat bacon and pancakes everyday would clog up arteries awfully fast.  So, what about cereal? Well, most cereals are not that great for you to start your day with.  They actually make a better mid-morning snack, but they lack the natural minerals and nutrients that your body needs first thing in the morning.  What about fruit?  Fruit is actually a great way to start your morning.  It contains the natural vitamins, minerals and even natural fructose to give you a good dose of energy and sustain the energy through the morning.  But fruit can often seem not filling or even too plain for breakfast. So, what I like to do is add fruit to something else like healthy cereal (that is a cereal that contains good amounts of fiber with lower amounts of sugar).  Or add fruit to one of the healthiest and filling of breakfast foods: oatmeal.  Oatmeal can be fast, or can be enjoyed at that table on the deck in the sunshine:)  Add fruit or even vegetables to it for a well rounded and easy to prepare breakfast that will give you balanced energy throughout the morning and into the day.

Most important, the rule of thumb is to mix all of these options up.  "Everything in moderation" is a good phrase to go by when considering breakfast.  You had a good cereal with fruit yesterday, then maybe today is oatmeal and tomorrow is a couple eggs and a bagel.  Mix it up to be healthy or mix it up to be fun, either way is good for your body and soul.

(I'm not a health food expert and I don't have a degree in any of the science fields so take what I say with a gain of salt, but I'm pretty sure it solid advice)

Issue #1: The Toilet Seat

Length of Shower: What really matters is whether the curtain was open or closed when I got there, I guess --Issue at hand:  The toilet seat belongs up or down?  Begin problem solving now...

Ok, So what's the deal with this whole "Toilet Seat Issue" ladies?  I mean seriously.

First of all, someone explain to me why the seat has to remain in the prime "downward" position all the time.  Are you ladies all such princesses that you can't simply lean over a couple inches and drop, or lift,  the thing so you can sit?  Or is it that you are all in such a hurry EVERY TIME you use the bathroom that you don't look to see if the seat is down?  That just doesn't make sense.  I mean why would you not look to see where you are about to place your BARE BOTTOM?  Plus, I would think that it only takes one time falling into a toilet for you to look every time!  Are the seats always in prime position in a women's restroom?  Come to think of it, do they even need toilets in there that have seats with hinges?  I can't think that they would, but I know that they do.  Why?  I mean if men can have specially made "toilets" called urinals why can't women have specially made toilets where the seat is always down and in that ever so important prime position?  They should.  Someone needs to invent the perfect toilet for females and make millions.  (But if you just read that and actually go onto do it, then I claim a 5% fee for initiating the idea.)  

Secondly, why is it that we, as men, have to put it down after we are done doing our business?  Why can't you ladies put it UP for us?  I mean we can be in a hurry sometimes too and not want to lean over and make some adjustment before letting our juices flow.  If we want sexual equality why can't the toilet seat swing both ways?  

Ok, how about a compromise.  Let's just pee or poo however we want all the time and after we are done we ALL, male and female alike, put the actual lid down.  I'm talking about the seat cover.  After each bathroom visit, regardless of sex or what you did, everyone just puts the actual lid down.  That way we all have to make an adjustment both before and after doing our bathroom business.  That way no one pees where they shouldn't (men) and no one falls into the toilet (women) without it being their own fault.  

Agreed?  Yes!  A solution to one of the many issues in the battle of the sexes.  Case Closed.  Problem solved.  Everyone wins.  

Next issue: World Peace.  Bring it on!

Electronic Frustration

Length of Shower: call this 1-800 number for troubleshooting this problem into an answer--I like to consider myself a patient person.  I can wait to be paid from people who owe me for long periods of time.  I can wait patiently at red lights or for cars to make that always longer than necessary left turn.  But when it comes to electronics not working I become a red-headed child with a temper and no afternoon snack!

So, the other day I was happily going through my day when I needed to print out my simple resume.  But little did I know how complex it would become.  It started simple enough.  I printed a test print to make sure that everything was looking good.  It didn't look so good, however, because the left side of the page had all the words cut off.  I remained patient and calm and starting looking for how to fix the problem.  Oh, I just needed to print the paper with a command called "borderless printing."  No problem.  But do I give that command from the computer or the printer or both?  I went for both.  Then I printed again.

It printed fine as far as borders go, but this time it printed in all a dull grey ink.  Huh?  How did that happen?  Remaining calm I looked through the operating manual for the printer and then tried several things, but to no avail.  "Fine" I thought, "I'll just call them." So call them I did.  I was on the phone with a very nice man named Malcolm who talked be through several things dealing with the printer.  We ran a test sheet, which proved that the ink and printing was fine.  I printed a different document from my computer and that also turned out fine.  However, the one thing I wanted to actually print was still not correct.

That's when Malcolm informed me that this was a problem stemming from the computer program I was using (WORD by Microsoft) not being compatible with both my Macintosh Operating System and the Canon printer I was using.  "This happens sometimes when Microsoft software goes through the MAC system and then into our printers" he informed me "but it is a problem with Microsoft and I can no longer help you.  Contact them."

Oh great!  Now I have to call another big company and be put on hold again only to go through a bunch of tests with them and blah blah blah.  "I've spent over an hour already on a simple problem!"  I yelled inside my head.

As I did my best to contain the steam coming out of my ears, I refused to call them and instead made myself some lunch to feel better.  After a brief lunch I decided that I could probably re-type my resume in a word document and make some slightly different marginal changes and it would print fine.  I did just that and, in fact, it printed fine.

How about that!?  I fixed the problem myself by avoiding the issue all together and doing more work for myself but in the end somehow saving myself precious time by not calling yet another major company.  Take that you big companies who don't want to play nice together only to cause the consumer frustration.  Sometimes avoiding the problem DOES help :)

Longing for what?

Length of Shower: I longed for it to be longer--A warning with this post: it won't be light and funny, but rather ponderous and serious.  Because sometimes that what we think about in the shower :)

Today I thought about longing.  Wanting.  Wishing.  Reaching.  Praying for.  These things can be one in the same emotion.  I wonder if this feeling, whatever you want to name it, is a built-in part of the human condition.  It seems that everyone of us is longing for something all the time.  Reconciliation with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.  Searching for that perfect soul mate to be our future wife or husband.  A longing to have that house or car or newest electronic device.  A couple's desire to have a baby, but not yet having it and so they long for it together.  The search for a job.  The chase of a dream.  The search for a long lost parent or child.  Even retirement is something we all want or long for.  They say that the only sure things are death and taxes.  Why is it that the only things that are sure to come are the only things we seem not to long for?

Maybe this isn't a human condition but an American tradition.  Maybe.  But it sure seems like its a human thing.  We all say we are longing for contentment and happiness and most of us think we will have that when we get whatever it is we are longing for, but the truth is not that simple.  No, when we get what we want we normally start longing for something else.  Why is it that we say we long for contentment? It seems to me contentment isn't something we can long for; it's something we simply have to accept in the current moment.  But we can't accept it when we are busy longing for other things.

I don't really have a point with this post, just a thought for all of us to ponder over.  Is it possible that in order to get the things we long for, we have to stop longing and just be content with what we have?  Maybe.

The "Looking Good" light

From this......

....to THIS!

Length of shower: Not sure, it was dark in there today. -- Have you ever noticed that when the lights go down everyone looks better?  They do.  I was sitting at a restaurant the other night with a female friend of mine (just a friend) who is average looking.  We started early in the evening and were engrossed in our conversation for a long time.  Long enough to be there through the point of the sun going down and therefore the light getting lower in our area of the restaurant.  That's when I found myself strangely attracted to this person I never before found attractive.  I kept this a secret to her but kept looking at her like she was strangely beautiful.  That's when we walked out of the restaurant and into the bright lights of the parking lot and I realized she was back to the way I always saw her and I realized it was the low lighting!

I'm pretty sure that's why bars lower the lights, so that the ugly people can stay and keep drinking.  And also so those same people have a chance to get laid.  What?  I'm just being honest.  How many of you have sex with the lights on?  Not many right?  Because you know, whether consciously or unconsciously, that both you and your partner are better looking and therefore sexier in low light.

All this, not to mention that after the sun goes down everyone starts looking better and dressing better.  Ever see a nice dressed man on the beach sunning himself?  No.  partly because it's hot and he wants to be cool with less clothes on, but also because it's so bright out.  But if you find that same guy later in the day after the sun has dropped he is probably wearing a great pair of pants and is sporting a button down hip-looking shirt with a nice dinner jacket over it.  And he is looking good.  And next to him is a steller looking woman who earlier in the day on the beach you could have sworn was his grandmother but now she is in 3-inch heels with a tight purple short skirted dress that is low-cut in the front and her face that had wrinkles and white cream all over it earlier now is smooth and colorful!  Why?  It's all because of the lowering of lights, I'm sure of it!

The Soft Courtesy Wave

Length of Shower: sure, I'll let you in--So the other day I was driving along in a four lane highway when this other driver came out of nowhere and cut me off.  Of course I was pissed and immediately started thinking bad thoughts about the driver and his car.  Thoughts like, "Who does this @#&hole think he is?"  and "Why is he so much more important than I am that he needs to get to his destination first?  What a D!$%."  But then came a nice little wave in front of the rearview mirror.  A small wave, directed at me, as if to say, "I'm sorry, that was closer than I thought" or perhaps "thanks for letting me in, I'm in a bit of a hurry.  I owe you one."  Either way, it calmed me down rather quickly.  I began to think nice and sweet thoughts about the driver.  Thoughts like, "What a nice person!  I bet they are a doctor on their way to save a whole family from leukemia or some rare form of a blood disease.  What a great guy!  I hope to be like him someday."

The following day as I was driving in the right lane of a freeway I approached an on-ramp and noticed a car about to share a lane with me.  "Hmmm, will they go ahead or behind me?" I thought.  That's when that same type of hand appeared but this time out of the open window of the driver's side.  The hand reached out and spoke to me in a way that said, "I'm here, can I please merge in front of you?"  I naturally let them in because I felt better and less stressed about the approaching delemia.  The delemia that was now solved. I felt secure because we were communicating as drivers sharing a road instead of hogging it for ourselves.  It was pleasant and nice and even freeing to be driving and thinking about other drivers that way.

So, I began to use the "Soft Courtesy Wave" myself after that.  Whenever I needed to quickly change lanes in order to make an exit, I would use the "SCW" to warn or apologize to other drivers and let them know that I am not a mean or selfish or evil person, but rather I am a nice guy.  This seemed to work for a while and things were going rather well and I was getting places faster and happier than ever before.  Life was gooooood!

But too much of a good thing can never last, and that's when it happened.  Not to me, but close.  I was waiting patiently in a right turn lane and planning my next "SCW" when the car in front of me suddenly bolted into his right turn excercising his right to turn on a red light.  He was in mid "SCW" when the car he pulled in front of plowed right into the back of his car causing metal and glass to fly everywhere!  Both drivers were unharmed but both cars were totaled.

That's when I realized that the "SCW" was something not to be abused but rather something to be used with caution and only when needed.  Taking unecessary advantage of the "SCW" doesn't make you a nice person it just makes you an unsafe driver who is trying to feel better about themselves by over using the "SCW".

Drive Safe Everyone!

First Date Stress

Length of Shower: 10 min.-- Girls, please be merciful to any man who asks you out.  It is a long process of not just asking, but of gathering up the courage to do so.  And even when you say, "Yes" and we try to hide the elation our hearts are feeling....you must remember that is only half the battle for us....next comes the dreaded and even more complicated task of planning the first date.  Take my friend Cody who went through all this the other night.

Cody came to me for help and it was clear that he needed it.  He was a mess about planning this all-important first date with a woman he was very excited to be meeting.  Now, they had never met each other in person, so this added more pressure to him and this night, but it was nothing he couldn't handle; we just had to sit down and go over some things.

We sat down in the coffee shop and Cody immediately started in, "It can't be too pretentious or too boring or too lame.  It can't make me look cheap, but I don't want to look like I'm impressing her too much on purpose.  It needs to be someplace neutral and yet in public so that she feels safe and not like I'm some creepy guy just waiting to get her alone.  We are meeting on a week night after she gets off work at 6:30pm, so it has to be someplace we can go at night, but could we make it a unique and memorable night too?"  I cracked a subtle smile remembering back to my earlier dating days with a familiarity that hit close to home.  This long string of thoughts is normal for us guys, but it's something most of you girls rarely see or hear about due to the guy code of making sure we each look confident and sure of ourselves.  But I assured Cody that everything will be fine.

"Take a breath man" I said with a calm voice, "and just know that this night is going to be great."  I then began the process of breaking down the nervous walls of my friend by tackling each issue at hand and narrowing down our options for the date.  It was after work and during the week.  "Yea, so it can't start too early and can't go too late either" he added with the the vocal crack of an adolescent boy half his age. "Don't worry, it won't." I assured him.  And with that in mind we started down the path choosing each option as it came up.  Location was key and so we chose a neighborhood halfway between his home and her work.  "That way no one is going too far and everyone is making an equal effort right from the start" I said softly as he nodded in agreement.  With three areas to choose from, we chose the one that would offer a range of restaurants and bars that had a view of some water; in this case a quaint and not too heavily populated fisherman's wharf area.

Next, we had to choose one of the most important choices in the whole process:  Which of the two "D's" will you go with...Drinks or Dinner?  This is a key choice in the process because dinner means that you are not only committing to a more expensive outing but also to a longer time commitment without the possibility of an easy escape.  This decision is key on two sides.  First of all your own comfort and confidence both with yourself and with where you think the potential relationship could go; and also how you will come off to the lady in question and how she will internally react depending on her own confidence and comfort (which at this point you could never possibly have any clue about).  So, you have to be honest with yourself and at the same time make an educated guess about the lady.  After a small discussion, and knowing Cody the way I do, we chose to go with the larger commitment of dinner.

After that choice is made things can fall into place quickly, but at the same time you need to be careful not to make these choices too quickly.  See, in our case we had about a dozen places to chose from.  So, not wanting to seem too cheap and being open to not going overboard we chose to go with someplace that is in the middle ground of expense.  Not too cheap and not too glamorous (ie. expensive).  That left us with about three places to choose from.  A Mexican restaurant, an Italian, and an American cuisine type of place. Now, as tempting as the Mexican place is...no one on a first date wants to deal with the "issues" Mexican food can give you, especially if the night goes beyond dinner.  That left us with two places to choose from.  Now, not knowing the dietary needs of the girl in question we had a decision to make.  And in looking at the menus online we found that both places offered a range of options for both the vegetarian and the carnivore.  So, then it came back to my friend Cody and what he preferred.  But before we went there, I asked about which one offered better atmosphere and ambiance?  Again, in looking at each website we chose the Italian place for it's soft lighting and romantic ambiance.

Next came making the time of the reservation.  Knowing our lady was getting out of work at 6:30pm and that she had about a 45 minute drive to the restaurant Cody called the place up and set a reservation time of 7:30pm.  "You better make it 8" I said before he was finished.  He paused and whispered to me, "What?  Why?"

"Because you always want to allow a woman a little extra time."  And with that he smiled a knowing smile and made the reservation for 8pm.

So you see ladies, we go through a lot of stress and even though we can't ever think of everything, we do try...at least on the first date.  So, take that into consideration at the end of the date and if things have gone even a little bit well and easy please consider a kiss for our date conquering hero.

Finally back to my boy Cody, who could now breathe with ease.  He leaned back in his chair with an exhalation of relief for about 2 minutes...until he realized he had to get ready.  "Oh no, man!  What do I wear?"

That is another article for another time:)   But know that everything went fine and they have already planned their second date.  Way to go Cody!  First date mission accomplished my man!

Secret Coffee Language

Length of Shower: 12 min.--I was in a Starbucks coffee the other day using their Internet and I had to do a double take more than once back at the barista handing coffees to customers.  She was yelling a strange language I didn't recognize.


"Grande, caramel, macchiato, skinny with little whip" the young female yelled at one point and I thought maybe she was ranting about her fight with some diet that wasn't working.  But she seemed very calm and collected and just went back to her diligent work behind the steamer machine thing.  I cast it off as nothing and went back to my e-mail.


But then it happened again, this string of both recognizable and foreign words strung together in what I did not recognize as an actual sentence.  "For here, Venti, triple, no water, 180 degrees, Chai Tea latte."  My ears quickly starting putting together these words and I determined that the kind girl was simply giving everyone a weather forecast and apparently it was due to be dry and hot in China.  I think I missed when exactly but since I wasn't planning a trip there, I again went back to my work.  


But upon her next announcement I realized it wasn't the weather at all but was some kind of coded message that random people were taking as commands to move or sit or just respond "thank you" to.  "Grande, Quad shot, 1 pump vanilla, 2 sugar in the raw, soy, non-fat, extra dry cappuccino." That's when an older man made his move from the counter to another counter where he further doctored his drink and then finally sat down in a very robotically programmed way.  


That's when I knew I didn't belong there.  Not only did I not know this strange code or the proper responses, I was the only person who ever looked up from what I was reading.  It was like being the only human among a group of zombie-esk people.  


So, I packed up my computer and headed for the door slowly as to not draw attention to myself and maybe make my escape without distraction.  That's when I heard a normal looking customer tell the young gentlemen behind the counter something that was clearly part of this long and sophisticated government or alien code. 


"I'll have a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice"  


Naturally I ran as fast as I could and have never returned there again. I'll simply order a coffee from the 7-11 and be happy.  

No internet?

Hey all,

  So I have re-located to a new apartment and it is taking a while to get internet in that place.  That is why no blog for a bit.  But Shower Thoughts will resume as soon as I get internet....Come on Time Warner get here fast so I can shower already!!