First Date Stress

Length of Shower: 10 min.-- Girls, please be merciful to any man who asks you out.  It is a long process of not just asking, but of gathering up the courage to do so.  And even when you say, "Yes" and we try to hide the elation our hearts are feeling....you must remember that is only half the battle for us....next comes the dreaded and even more complicated task of planning the first date.  Take my friend Cody who went through all this the other night.

Cody came to me for help and it was clear that he needed it.  He was a mess about planning this all-important first date with a woman he was very excited to be meeting.  Now, they had never met each other in person, so this added more pressure to him and this night, but it was nothing he couldn't handle; we just had to sit down and go over some things.

We sat down in the coffee shop and Cody immediately started in, "It can't be too pretentious or too boring or too lame.  It can't make me look cheap, but I don't want to look like I'm impressing her too much on purpose.  It needs to be someplace neutral and yet in public so that she feels safe and not like I'm some creepy guy just waiting to get her alone.  We are meeting on a week night after she gets off work at 6:30pm, so it has to be someplace we can go at night, but could we make it a unique and memorable night too?"  I cracked a subtle smile remembering back to my earlier dating days with a familiarity that hit close to home.  This long string of thoughts is normal for us guys, but it's something most of you girls rarely see or hear about due to the guy code of making sure we each look confident and sure of ourselves.  But I assured Cody that everything will be fine.

"Take a breath man" I said with a calm voice, "and just know that this night is going to be great."  I then began the process of breaking down the nervous walls of my friend by tackling each issue at hand and narrowing down our options for the date.  It was after work and during the week.  "Yea, so it can't start too early and can't go too late either" he added with the the vocal crack of an adolescent boy half his age. "Don't worry, it won't." I assured him.  And with that in mind we started down the path choosing each option as it came up.  Location was key and so we chose a neighborhood halfway between his home and her work.  "That way no one is going too far and everyone is making an equal effort right from the start" I said softly as he nodded in agreement.  With three areas to choose from, we chose the one that would offer a range of restaurants and bars that had a view of some water; in this case a quaint and not too heavily populated fisherman's wharf area.

Next, we had to choose one of the most important choices in the whole process:  Which of the two "D's" will you go with...Drinks or Dinner?  This is a key choice in the process because dinner means that you are not only committing to a more expensive outing but also to a longer time commitment without the possibility of an easy escape.  This decision is key on two sides.  First of all your own comfort and confidence both with yourself and with where you think the potential relationship could go; and also how you will come off to the lady in question and how she will internally react depending on her own confidence and comfort (which at this point you could never possibly have any clue about).  So, you have to be honest with yourself and at the same time make an educated guess about the lady.  After a small discussion, and knowing Cody the way I do, we chose to go with the larger commitment of dinner.

After that choice is made things can fall into place quickly, but at the same time you need to be careful not to make these choices too quickly.  See, in our case we had about a dozen places to chose from.  So, not wanting to seem too cheap and being open to not going overboard we chose to go with someplace that is in the middle ground of expense.  Not too cheap and not too glamorous (ie. expensive).  That left us with about three places to choose from.  A Mexican restaurant, an Italian, and an American cuisine type of place. Now, as tempting as the Mexican place is...no one on a first date wants to deal with the "issues" Mexican food can give you, especially if the night goes beyond dinner.  That left us with two places to choose from.  Now, not knowing the dietary needs of the girl in question we had a decision to make.  And in looking at the menus online we found that both places offered a range of options for both the vegetarian and the carnivore.  So, then it came back to my friend Cody and what he preferred.  But before we went there, I asked about which one offered better atmosphere and ambiance?  Again, in looking at each website we chose the Italian place for it's soft lighting and romantic ambiance.

Next came making the time of the reservation.  Knowing our lady was getting out of work at 6:30pm and that she had about a 45 minute drive to the restaurant Cody called the place up and set a reservation time of 7:30pm.  "You better make it 8" I said before he was finished.  He paused and whispered to me, "What?  Why?"

"Because you always want to allow a woman a little extra time."  And with that he smiled a knowing smile and made the reservation for 8pm.

So you see ladies, we go through a lot of stress and even though we can't ever think of everything, we do try...at least on the first date.  So, take that into consideration at the end of the date and if things have gone even a little bit well and easy please consider a kiss for our date conquering hero.

Finally back to my boy Cody, who could now breathe with ease.  He leaned back in his chair with an exhalation of relief for about 2 minutes...until he realized he had to get ready.  "Oh no, man!  What do I wear?"

That is another article for another time:)   But know that everything went fine and they have already planned their second date.  Way to go Cody!  First date mission accomplished my man!