Secret Coffee Language

Length of Shower: 12 min.--I was in a Starbucks coffee the other day using their Internet and I had to do a double take more than once back at the barista handing coffees to customers.  She was yelling a strange language I didn't recognize.


"Grande, caramel, macchiato, skinny with little whip" the young female yelled at one point and I thought maybe she was ranting about her fight with some diet that wasn't working.  But she seemed very calm and collected and just went back to her diligent work behind the steamer machine thing.  I cast it off as nothing and went back to my e-mail.


But then it happened again, this string of both recognizable and foreign words strung together in what I did not recognize as an actual sentence.  "For here, Venti, triple, no water, 180 degrees, Chai Tea latte."  My ears quickly starting putting together these words and I determined that the kind girl was simply giving everyone a weather forecast and apparently it was due to be dry and hot in China.  I think I missed when exactly but since I wasn't planning a trip there, I again went back to my work.  


But upon her next announcement I realized it wasn't the weather at all but was some kind of coded message that random people were taking as commands to move or sit or just respond "thank you" to.  "Grande, Quad shot, 1 pump vanilla, 2 sugar in the raw, soy, non-fat, extra dry cappuccino." That's when an older man made his move from the counter to another counter where he further doctored his drink and then finally sat down in a very robotically programmed way.  


That's when I knew I didn't belong there.  Not only did I not know this strange code or the proper responses, I was the only person who ever looked up from what I was reading.  It was like being the only human among a group of zombie-esk people.  


So, I packed up my computer and headed for the door slowly as to not draw attention to myself and maybe make my escape without distraction.  That's when I heard a normal looking customer tell the young gentlemen behind the counter something that was clearly part of this long and sophisticated government or alien code. 


"I'll have a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice"  


Naturally I ran as fast as I could and have never returned there again. I'll simply order a coffee from the 7-11 and be happy.