Questionable Colors

Length of Shower: Why is my soap blue? --I woke up today and was thinking about color.  Specifically I was thinking about why we use certain colors for certain things.  Why is that?

Why on a weather map do they always use the color red for a high pressure system and blue for a low pressure system?  Is it because high pressure normally brings hot temperatures and we normally associate hot with red?  And thus the opposite for blue and cold temperatures?

And why is hot associated with red and cold with blue in the first place?  Is that because things in nature that are hot like fire and the sun and burns on your skin are all red or bright yellow; and cold things like water and snow and your lips when you freeze are blue?  That makes sense I guess.

But who decided that green meant "go" and red meant "stop"?  And Why?  I understand the red means hot concept, but why "stop"?  The only thing I can come up with is that it is a prime color and it was chosen randomly.  But then why use a secondary color such as green for "go"?  That doesn't make sense.  Stay consistent and use another primary color like blue or yellow.

At least they use two primary colors when breaking our own country into political ownership; but why?  Why is a conservative state called a "red state" and a more liberal one called "blue"?  Red doesn't seem to be that "conservative" to me as a color.  Actually, it seems more liberal than blue.  It's brighter and more brash and hotter.  Or am I to assume that conservative Republicans are brash and bright but liberal Democrats are soft and slightly duller?  I doubt that's true although you could argue that about both sides...and you could argue against that as well.  I'll let them work that out.

Furthermore (who uses that word anymore?) what about the whole black being "evil" or "bad" and white being "pure" and "good" thing?  Where does that come from?  In what I remember about those colors from school black absorbs all color and white reflects all colors at once.  Or in other words, black is all the colors mixed together and white is the absence of color.  So, why is the absence of all things a "good" thing and the presence of all colors mixed a "bad" thing?  It would seem to be the opposite for me; if you mix all things together that is like a party or casserole or kinda the concept of the USA being a mixing pot of the rest of the world.  Are those things "bad"?  Not really.  And is being alone, eating vanilla ice cream, or living in an exclusive country like Mongolia a "good" thing?  Not necessarily.

Obviously there are no answers to many, or all, of these questions.  But in short I'm just asking why do we associate certain colors with certain things and was there a logical reason or was it just chance?  We may never know, but that won't stop me from asking the questions; and it shouldn't stop you either.

Kids Work

Length of Shower:  How young is too young to take your first shower?  --So today I was thinking about those people who do voice over for a living.  You know, the ones who you hear over the top of commercials or movie trailers or even the voices who perform the books-on-tape stuff.  How easy must that job be?  I mean, not to take away from the talent, but if you boil in all down all those people are doing is reading.  They are getting paid to read.  Most people learn to read in like kindergarten and first grade.  So, basically (and I mean very basically) those people are making a living doing what a child can do.  "Awesome," I thought to myself.  And then I starting thinking about all the jobs that are basically glorified careers doing what we all learned as kids.  "Like what?" I thought to myself.

Well, think about all the basic stuff you did as a kid; there is probably a job for it.  In kindergarten we were encouraged to "pretend" a lot.  Bam!  That's an actor or writer.  Also in grade school we were suppossed to go outside for recess and "play."  Bam!  That's a professional athlete.  What about cleaning up your messes?  Bam!  That's a garbage man.  Reading is (as mentioned above) voice over artists.  How about when we were all taught in those early years to "be nice to others," well isn't that what we now call a Social Worker or maybe someone who starts and works for a charity?  Or even anyone in the healthcare profession?  I think so.

This leads me to believe that while we think of children often times as little adults, it's probably more accurate the other way around;  adults are just large children with bigger toys.  Think about when you were taught to do just about anything...I bet you can find someone with that profession.  Remember learning to ride a bike?  Can you say, "Lance Armstrong?"  I can't think right now how learning to tie your shoes can turn into a job...but I'm sure it's out there.  What profession ties a lot of knots or ropes....a Sailor for fisherman maybe?  Anyway you get the point.

Of course there is the dark side to everything and this is no exception.  There were those kids, and you know who they were, who just refused to learn the skills the rest of us did and they chose to remain selfish and greedy and to not share.  Those people all went on to run banks or large corporations and they get rich and share very little until forced, just like they did as kids.  But for the most part, we all found something we were good at and stuck with it.

I grew up with pets and like so many parents, my mother and father made my siblings and I help in the feeding and walking and taking care of those pets.  Well, it shouldn't be a surprise that now one of my siblings run's a pet care company and it grosses over six figures every year!  My other sibling was obsessed with windmills and clouds as a young child and now is a Meteorologist.  See, we are just larger versions of our child like selves.

So, I guess those early years of development really are some of the most important!  Keep that in mind you parents out there when you are teaching your children how to....well, how to do anything!

Quick and Clean

Length of Shower: A very fast and efficient two minutes --Today I woke up late and had to take a very fast shower.  And I learned that I can take a very fast shower and still be effective in getting my body clean.  I wasted no time in enjoyment of the water or its temperature or letting my mind wonder so I could entertain all my readers with some deep and meaningful, yet quirky and humorous antidote to life's little issues.  But it also got me to thinking a bit post shower.

How much water would we save if all of us just took really quick showers?  Or what if we all just shortened our normal shower time by one minute?  I bet we could save a billion gallons easy.  We should try that, right?  Maybe I should write the President and ask him to make a special holiday where for one day every year it is illegal to shower at all!  I bet if no one showered at all for one day we could save like hundreds of billions of gallons of water!  And if it was an actual holiday and we did it once every year think how wonderful that would be for water conservation.  Of course it would have to be a Saturday when not many people go to work, but still, I think it would be worth it, don't you think?

Innuendo

Length of Shower: it's not the length but what I mean by the length that matters --So many things have other meanings to them.  Sometimes we say one thing but are really trying to express something else.  That is called "innuendo." When we speak in a code where we are saying something but communicating something else, that is innuendo.  It happens, and we see it, all the time.  Candy cigarettes. The Washington Monument.  And the greatest SNL skit of all time, "Schwetty Balls."  But of all the places and ways innuendo is used, song lyrics use it the most.

Song writers like Bob Dylan, Rod Stewart, Billy Joel and even the Beatles were rarely meaning the literal words they were singing.  Songs by these artists and many more are lots of times about drugs or sex or both.  Think about songs like, "Rainy Day Woman" or "Captain Jack" or "Pink Cadillac."  Those were not about Women, or Cadillacs or a Captain named Jack.  They were about drugs and sex.  And if you still think Prince is really talking about rain that is a slight purple color in his song "Purple Rain" than you are largely mistaken.

The one genre that seems to have very little of this going on would be country music.  At least that is what I thought until I heard a song today on the radio and almost choked on my gum at how full of sexual innuendo it was.  Not only the lyrics but the title is full of a hidden message.  Check out these lyrics to just the chorus and try to tell me he isn't talking pretty directly about sex.

My Big Green Tractor

Chorus: And I can take you for a ride on my big green tractor
We can go slow or make it go faster
Down through the woods and out to the pasture
'Long as I'm with you it really don't matter

Climb up in my lap and drive if you want to
Girl, you know you got me to hold on to
We can go to town, but baby if you'd rather
I'll take you for a ride on my big green tractor


Holy cow!  I guess country music is no longer exempt from innuendo, at least not in my mind.  Maybe it never was, but whether it was or wasn't it definitely is full of innuendo now.  Come to think of it there is also that other country song, "Save a horse, Ride a Cowboy."  Man, that is sexual innuendo if I've ever heard it, too!


Do you think I could use that as a pick up line, by the way?  "Hey girl, you wanna take a ride on my big green tractor?"  LOL.

Inside-Out

Length of Shower: have you ever tried to shower backwards? --Today is a special blog post.  I have had three friends go through some break-ups recently.  I thought about some past break-ups of my own and started looking through some of my writing.  I found this poem I wrote shortly after a break-up of my own about 6 years ago.  I want to encourage everyone to write when they are feeling down heart broken.  It can be very therapeutic and has been proven to help the "moving on process" enormously.  I share one of mine with you now.

I hope you all enjoy or get something out of it.  It's called "Inside-Out"

Inside-Out

By: D.M Worley

  

I love you from the inside-out

The flowing of you from with-in to without.

It starts with your compassion for people

Which reveals itself through the crack of your smile.

It begins by your intense intelligence

And seeps through the glimmer of your eyes

It starts with your determination and drive

Then shows itself by the pout of the child inside.

Your humor is always so easy to find

When you giggle at life through your eloquent sight.

Your heartache and grief are harder to see

But at simple, right moments are shared with me.

I love to watch out for your quick, nimble wit

When it chooses its target and strikes clean and wet.

Your sensual nature is shared only with few

And it shows itself then with a glance or a brush.

The devil inside, you try to keep tame

But peeks out with one eye ‘hind a lock of thick hair

I see all these things within you somehow

And Love every one as I see them come out.

Don’t worry or stress or change anything

I’ll keep them all close and cherish the same.

I love you from the inside-out

It’s simply the only way that I can.

(This is copyrighted material and is the property of D.M.Worley only.  Thank you.)

Easter!!

Length of Shower:  The shower can sometimes raise you up, but not from the dead --Today is Easter.

Christians celebrate this day by getting dressed up and putting on spring colors and bonnets and heading off to the earliest church services you have ever been to...at sunrise!  They go and see people they haven't seen since the Christmas service (because those are the only two services those people go to) and they sing and pray and listen to the old story of how Jesus broke out of the tomb and was raised from the dead.  This story will have some "new" twist or interpretation to it, but it is still the same story at it's root.  And Christians sometimes whoop and hollar and say big words really loudly like, "Hallelujah!" Then they generally go and do some sort of food and have a big meal with family and friends.  It's kind of like thanksgiving in the spring.  It's a good time.

The rest of the world, and Christians too, celebrate by having a mysterious and large bunny who no one ever actually sees come to their house, ala Santa Clause, and brings candy and then proceeds to hide colored eggs around your house for everyone to go find.  What!?  I assume you are going to find the eggs because if you don't then they will rot and smell up your house.  Wow, thanks a lot you stupid bunny!  That's exactly what I wanted to do on my weekend day off in the middle of spring was spend a bunch of time looking for eggs that I can't eat.

How and where did this silly tradition come from?  I understand that in the commercialization of a Christian holiday we have to provide some alternative for the non-Christians to do, but a bunny that hides eggs!?  Really?  That was the best we could come up with?  Really!?  Rabbits don't even lay eggs!  The more you look at this the less sense it makes!  Why didn't we do something simple like a rabbit that hides carrots, or a chicken who leaves you a pile of chocolate eggs.  Why is there a rabbit hiding something that has nothing to do with rabbits?  And where did the eggs come into the picture?  Sometimes I just don't understand commercialization.

No matter how you celebrate, I hope that you have a wonderful Easter and that you find all the eggs you desire....why you would desire to do that is beyond me, but I wish you a happy Easter anyway :)

Prince Concert

A picture from my seats last night!

Length of Shower:  When you've got the talent to shower like this, it's amazing to watch --I have not been much of a concert goer in my time.  That's not to say I haven't been to a number of concerts, but it's not a passion of mine.  I've seen U2 in concert, and Garth Brooks, and several smaller performers but last night took the cake.  Last night I attended the Prince Welcome 2 America concert at the Forum in Los Angeles.  It was amazing!

Prince, who has been performing for well over 25 years, simply knows what he is doing and he is a master at doing it.  It is so amazing to watch a performer like that.  It was clear he knew exactly what to do and when to do it, from the smallest of hand gestures to the largest of dance moves and jumps, he was spot on with every move!  And the crowd fed off of it and he fed off of us.  He also had the freedom to do what he wanted when he wanted to do it.  At moments he would throw his arms up in the air and hold the pose or he would play with the microphone and it's stand like it was an intimate dance partner.  He would jump and then fall to the floor and lay there for a while in a spread eagle pose in the middle of the stage while the crowd would go wild...they went wild for a man just laying on the stage!  Not anyone can pull that off.  That is an experienced performer who knows just what to do and how long to do it for.  He would then prop himself up on just his forearms before suddenly pulling himself across the stage with his arms and letting his legs drag splayed open behind him.  And the man is almost 53!!  Amazing!  The show was not a huge spectacle of special effects, but it didn't need it, because Prince himself combined with the great music was enough.  This is what a rock concert used to be and should be, but isn't anymore.

I found myself thinking of current performers and how they lack this kind of musicality and showmanship. You would never find Carrie Underwood or Justin Bieber do anything like this.  It's way too much work for the modern performer to do.  It's easier to cover it all up with a stage full of dancers or a ton of special effects like Britney Spears does, but not in the hay-day of rock!  Now some of the old rock-n-roll performers did use theatrics, but it was by choice and not to cover up for a lack of performance.  Performers like Madonna and Aerosmith and Def Leppard, and the Rolling Stones knew, and still know, how to get more from a crowd with one move of their arm or shift of their eyes than the modern "star" can get with all the fireworks and confetti a producer can buy.  But these performers are few and far between at this point and are a dying breed.

I encourage you to get out there and see a concert by one of these amazing performers that we will soon only be talking about.  Go to a Stones concert or Prince or Madonna if she is still performing.  See and experience them while you can, because in the age of technology that we live in this type of performer is a dying breed and when they are gone, we will miss them forever.

Thank you Prince for the greatest concert I've ever, and may ever in my life, attended!

My Escape of Joy!

Length of Shower:  That was a shower?  I thought it was an after game shower in a huge locker room --Sports are a big business in this country.  The NFL makes something around $9 Billion a year, and Major League Baseball, as well as the NBA, make around $4 to $6 Billion each year.  But few people actually get to play in those leagues.  However, one of the most popular sports that regular people get to play in the US each year is one of my favorites:  Softball.

Softball to me is more than just a sport.  It's a release, an escape, a passion, a workout for mind and body, and an excuse to spend time with some of the best friends I have.  When I'm out there on the field the rest of my life has to sit on the sidelines and wait.  I feel lighter when I play because I can check all my problems and issues in the dugout and just focus on one thing; playing ball.  I feel younger, too, when I play.  I remember my youth and the pure joy of actually "playing" something.  Back when we made up rules in our backyards, or tried to play with a soccer ball because we couldn't find a baseball or softball.  There is a sense of joy that I put on like a refreshingly clean and soft blanket made just for me.

Of course there is a competitiveness to it as well, and I love that too.  Unlike life sometimes, there is an opponent you can see and point out and make strategies to defeat.  And then there are the individual battles that you get to fight and figure out how to overcome like each time at bat and each ball hit your way.  And the best part is knowing that win or lose it is all over in about 90 minutes.

I play on four softball teams because of all these reasons and more.  And while I doubt that most people get all this out of a simple game of softball, I do hope that everyone has some form of escapism that they can resort to when needed.  While doctors may not agree with me, I think that a healthy balance in a person's life can't be reached without an equally healthy amount of positive escapism.  I'm not talking about avoiding your problems, but I am talking about what Dr. Marvin prescribed to Bob in the movie "What About Bob?"....and that is to take a vacation from your problems.  Taking a break, even from our problems and worries, can be healthy and enriching and in some cases can even provide a new perspective when we return to our problems and thus help solve them.

So go ahead and get out that special book, or fall away into that TV show, or finish sewing that sweater tonight without the stress or judgement of escaping your problems...because in the end it is only a small coffee break so you can gain some needed perspective and momentum to tackle your biggest issues.  Who needs those big salaries the pro ball players get when we get something even more important when we pick up a bat and ball...less worry, not more like them.

Theme Music

Length of Shower: The shower is enhanced when music plays --I want my own theme music.  That's it, I just do.  I want to walk into a room and just before I do I have my own theme that starts up letting everyone know I am about to enter.  And then the music plays softly in the background while I talk and thus enhances everything I say to make it sound better, clearer, more dangerous and ominous, or more inspirational, just more enhanced in every way!

Whether Villian or Hero, all the greats have their own theme music.  Indiana Jones, Darth Vader, Marty McFly, Superman, Batman, James Bond, Axel Foley, Harry Potter, the seven dwarfs, and on and on.   I'm trying to think of women characters that have their own theme and all I can come up with is: Cruella Deville, Ursula, Carrie Bradshaw (Sex and the City), and maybe Princess Leia.  Any others?

In any regard, I think it would be cool if we all had our own theme music.  And of course the music would change slightly, but keep the same motif, with our moods.  That way everyone could tell who we were and what mood we were in at any time.  And to take it a step further and make sure none of us go insane hearing our own theme all day long, we could never hear our own theme unless we wanted to.  We could turn it on in our own heads when we really needed it, like when you are about to walk into your bosses office and demand a raise; or when you step up to the plate at your neighborhood softball game; or on that first date with someone....actually, that might be a time to turn it off in your head, but you get the point.

Yup, that should do it.  Now if the producers of my life-long movie could get on that I would really appreciate it as well as all my friends.  Thanks!  :)

Sneaky Sappy Commercials

Length of Shower:  At least in the shower you can't tell if I'm crying --There I was the other night sitting in my most comfortable chair watching a series of good shows on my TV.  Just me being an average American guy.  Beer in hand, empty plate of dinner at my side, stomach happy and full while characters of all shapes and sizes paraded across my screen to entertain me.  Every once in a while a line of commercials would interrupt my laughter and I would try to ignore big business' attempts at making me buy more than I needed.  My life was good.

But then out of the blue came a Hallmark commercial.  I remember soft piano music, a young girl frolicking in a field, an old man and I'm pretty sure there was a puppy in there someplace.  I don't remember a lot of the specifics about the commercial because of this strange watery substance streaming down my chiseled, manly face.  Accompanying that substance was this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach followed shortly by the most frighting thing out of the entire experience: a loss for the desire and taste of beer.  How could this happen?

By the time I had recovered and realized I was bawling over something that had long since gone off of my screen, I had a moment.  I sat in my living room with a new realization about what TV, and more specifically, advertisements could do.  They could cause an emotional and visceral reaction.  Who knew?

Now, that wasn't the first time I have been ambushed by an emotional commercial coming out of no where.  When I was a kid growing up my mother would put the Weather Channel on our TV in the morning as we ran around getting ready for school.  One of those mornings I stopped and watched a Folger's commercial.  It was a Christmas commercial (already a soft spot in my heart, even back then) that my mom and I share a fondness for to this day because we were both caught unaware.  The commercial starts with a wintery scene in front of a house where a young man waves goodbye to a car pulling away as he says, "Merry Christmas" in a light voice because you can tell it is just about sun rise.  As he enters the house you see a little girl welcome him and he says "Hi" but also whispers, "Shhhh, I know how we can get everyone else awake."  Then you see everyone else in the house is waking up to the smell of Folger's coffee.  Down in the kitchen all you see is this mysterious person and young girl in her PJ's preparing the coffee.  Then you see everyone come down the stairs at once lead by the mother of the house who has a strange look on her face.  Then you see this handsome 20-something guy come out of the kitchen with the coffee and place it in front of the most perfect Christmas tree as the mother rushes to hug him and says, "Oh, Peter!!  You're home!"  He had snuck home and surprised the whole family on Christmas.  When the commercial was over and the weather was back on our TV my mother and I glanced at each other and then snickered at the sight of tears in each others eyes.  It is one of my favorite and most important memories in the relationship between my mother and me.  (click here to see the commercial)

Who knows, maybe that's why I was crying the other night, or maybe it was a hundred other reasons.  It doesn't really matter why I was crying so long as I was touched, and that is important.  As long as there are commercials out there that can, in 30 seconds or less, remind us of something important in our lives I retain faith in the world for some odd reason.  I feel like if a company, no matter how big, can take the time and money to make a simple commercial with enough care to remind the world of what is important, no matter what they are trying to sell, then I continue to have faith in humanity.  Call me a "softy" or "wimpy" or call me whatever you want, but in the end you have to admit that you have cried a few times too...and didn't it somehow make you feel good?  I bet it did, and that's not so bad to be reminded out of the blue of what is truly important in life...and one of those is good relationships!

So call or e-mail someone you miss today.  Remind them of how much they mean to you and tell them the next time they see a sappy commercial to think of you and return the favor.  Spreading love is always a good thing!

Movie Review: Limitless

Length of Shower: It was...well...Limitless --So I went to see the movie Limitless with Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro the other night and so here is my review of that film.

Limitless was good, for the first three-quarters of the movie.  I liked the concept and how we got there and the guidelines that were set up early in the film.  The idea that a pill could maximize your brain's capacity, speed, and usefulness so that rather than using only 20 percent of our brains we used all 100 percent.  It was a cool concept and idea that was both believable and desirable by this audience member.  So, I bought in.  I watched and even routed for our hero, Bradley Cooper, as he took his life from zero to hero in a matter of days.  But where were the hurdles?  Where was the conflict?

The conflict finally came when we learn that the pills cause death and that the supply of these pills is quickly dwindling.  Oops.  Now our hero has problems.  And all this while he is still trying to achieve financial greatness and fame by working with a Gordon Gecko type of high power wall street trader played by Robert DeNiro.  This is where things begin to fall apart in the story.  Not only does he fail a "test meeting" with the DeNiro character, but then he blows him off several times in the next week.  I have a hard time believing a man of that kind of power would deal with that, but whatever.  Naturally juggling all this on top of a sweetheart of a girlfriend who wants nothing to do with drugs of any kind catches up to our hero in the end.  The most memorable scene is the climax of the movie when he is so desperate for the drug that (spoiler alert!!) he actually licks up blood off the floor from a dead Russian thug hit man just to get his "fix".  Gross!

After that things starting falling apart with the story at an unbelievable rate and even got hokey at times.  Our hero suddenly in 30 seconds makes friends with a man who has been trying to kill him all movie before stealing a stash of pills from a high power lawyer who would be smarter than to let him steal back the pills.  Clearly the writer was in a hurry to end the film.  Then in the final scene our hero lies to our high power wall street guy when he confronts him with the truth about the pills.  Um, why would Mr. Wall Street believe him after everything when we the audience didn't believe what he was saying at that point?  And just before the credits roll we see that the girlfriend is back in the picture and, I guess, suddenly lost her morals and is just dealing with hero boy on drugs.

So, the only lesson I can gather in this film is to take drugs, ignore the side effects, lie to everyone about the fact that you are on them and life will be exactly what you want it to be.  Yup, that sounds like a great thing to be teaching a society that is already overly addicted to pills of some sort.  In short, skip this and watch it on DVD if you must.  Or go but walk just after the lapping of the blood off the floor, because it's just down hill after that anyway.

Finding Clarity...and a Sunburn

Length of Shower: If I close my eyes I can imagine being at a rinse shower on a beach! --Yesterday I had a few hours to kill and so I headed for the beach.  Now, I'm not a "beach person" par say, but I'm trying to be more and more.

So, I headed there alone (as all my friends had work to do) with a pair of swim trunks, and extra t-shirt, my flip-flops, sunglasses, a hat, and a magazine to read.  When I got there I realized I had forgotten two very important items: a towel and sunscreen.  But not to be deterred, especially after paying $2.50 in quarters for less than two hours of parking, I found two light jackets in the trunk of my car to serve as a towel and I would just risk it with the sunscreen...after all, some "color" would do me good.  Needless to say I have a sunburnt back and am currently taking applications from anyone willing to spread aloe lotion on my back every 4 hours all weekend long.  Any takers?  (Only attractive women need apply)  :)

Anyway, while sitting in the sun at the beach reading my magazine I had several moments of what I will call "clarity."  While I didn't exactly see how to solve world peace (although I'm always keeping my eyes open for that:)), I did find that the water, the sand and the enormity of the ocean can really make everything else in your life seem trivial.  As I sat there I found myself only thinking and considering things in my life that really mattered.  Friends, family, love, and a general niceness and openess to my fellow humans.  This experience, I know, is not an unusual one but it is nice to reflect and even metaphorically swim in these thoughts to bring one's own life into better perspective.  It can be a powerful and calming experience that everyone should have a few times in their lives if possible.

Anyway, that got me to thinking about our world leaders.  They tend to meet and have summits in places like New York, London, Moscow, Paris, and so on.  None of those places, however, provide an atmosphere of clarity or closeness to water or nature.  When was the last time you heard of someone in the world finding transcendence or nirvana or clarity or even inner peace anywhere but near or within nature?  If it happens outside of nature at all, it is rare.  Which means that there is some sort of unexplainable connection between nature and having a clear, peaceful mind.  So, why not have our world summits in places like Bermuda, or New Zealand, or Madagascar, or even the mountains of Tibet?  These places would seem to provide a much better environment for clarity and peace.  If nothing else these places would provide some great and restful places to take a walk or get away during all the breaks those summits tend to have and take.  Imagine the difference at the meeting table after a break when everyone went for a walk or sat on a bench in the middle of a rainforest as apposed to that same person walking or resting on a bench in the bustling Upper East Side of Manhattan.  The difference would be enormous I think.  So why do they do it?  I'm sure it has something to do with security and ease of travel in and out of places like that, but if the focus really was on making headway with the items at hand, they would have the meetings someplace else.  Have you ever been to the Galapagos Islands?  Those big politicians have, but only for vacation...you would think they would take a clue from that!

A Good Story

Length of Shower:  It's how I got to the shower that counts --I love a good story.  There's nothing like it.  It doesn't matter if it is predictable or unexpected or disturbing or even a little gross, if it is a good story then I'm on board.  I'm what you call a "plot guy" when I watch a movie.  Of course there are other things I notice and appreciate, but a good story line is what I really love.

It's the reason I have a guilty pleasure for country music.  Yes, I live in a big city and I party at bars and clubs, but I also know more Kenny Rogers lyrics than the average person.  I love tearing up while listening to Rascal Flatts scream out about "Moving On."  It's not the twang or the guitar or even the wardrobe of these singers that do it for me, it's the story they tell in each song.  I was raised as a singer and I even have a degree in vocal music, but one of my favorite old-time country "singers" is C.W. McCall.  This guy doesn't even sing!  He is more of a country rapper of sorts.  But what I love about him is what I love about most country songs; the story.

Sitcoms.  Not known for their good story lines, but I can get into a few of them if they are well written.  "How I Met Your Mother" for example.  There are episodes I love and episodes I don't, but the best ones that further the overall story line along and get us closer to the day he actually meets his future wife, those are the gems.  I will cry when that happens too, I know.  The story line is why sitcoms throw in a good wedding every season or two, because weddings are concrete ways of furthering any story along.  And they help the ratings too!  Probably for that very reason...most people like to see a story move forward.

I could go on, but I would just be avoiding even more the real point here:  What is your story?

I often think, in the shower and elsewhere, about what my legacy, or story, is and what it tells about me. I try and be an objective observer watching my life like a movie.  Is it interesting?  Is the main character, me, a guy I would cheer for and route for when times get bad?  Is the setting and decisions he makes realistic or boring or interesting or just plain stupid?  Now, I'm not stupid in buying into this completely.  I'm not making decisions just to entertain an audience that isn't actually there, but the point still remains; What is my own story line?  And even further, can I know my own story before it's finished?  I don't know.  I've been told that there is a section of heaven you can go do when you get there and you can watch your own life as a movie so you can reflect on who you were as a human being.  I like that idea and I hope I smile a lot or laugh a lot when I get there, but really I just hope I think, "Yea.  It was all worth it!  What a great story!"

So, I ask you all: What is your story, and do you like where it's heading?  If so, good.   But if not, what are you waiting for to make it good?  It's never too late to change your own good story line...and I promise you that whatever it is, it's a good one!

Sing What?

Length of Shower:  Is it pronounced 'show-er' or 'shou-uh'? --Today I thought about the song, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off."

Remember this song?  It was written by George and Ira Gershwin and most popularly known to be sung by the famous Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.  You can listen to a nice recording, although not by them, here.  It is a song about accents and differences, but today I thought about how funny it would have been to a singer picking up the sheet music for the first time.  Can you imagine seeing on the page:

"You say neither and I say neither, you say either and I say either.  Neither, neither, either, either let's call the whole thing off."

I imagine the first singer stopping right there and being totally confused.  "Um, I'm sorry I don't get it.  What's going on and why are they calling anything off?  It seems to me they are on the same page.  They say the same words to each other and everything."  

Then of course when it's explained to the singer about the different ways to say these words I imagine the singer on the next take jumping to either side of the microphone like someone playing both parts in a two person scene or duet.  Hahahaha, that cracks me up!

Of course the beauty of the song is that couples, or even friends for that matter, shouldn't let little inconsequential differences break up a good thing.  That, of course, is also good advice to keep locked away.  But I just keep thinking about that first singer and how utterly confused they must have been...LOL!

I mean just look at it in print:
"You say Potato and I say Potato, you say Tomato and I say Tomato...."  You can understand that first singer's confusion, right?  Hahahaha.

(On a side note:  Watch the great Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers dance to this song with skates on in the film Shall We Dance and tell me why anyone would think he was anything but the greatest dancer to ever live!)

Holding Back

Length of Shower: Remind me again why I should wait to use the soap? --I have several friends who are currently dating.  And, in fact, I am dating right now as well.  And I'm suddenly hearing all this talk about "holding back" in the early stages of dating.  But what I don't get, is why exactly you would do that.

I understand what "holding back" is.  It is a way of protecting yourself from getting hurt.  So we "hold back" and "play nice" and are "on our best behavior" with whomever it is we start dating.  It's natural.  We have the intention of revealing bits and pieces of ourselves slowly over time and that way if things go south we can feel protected in some way because "well, at least I didn't share that part of me."  "Holding back" is also a nice way of saying, "this isn't all that I am.  I'm really a very complicated and beautiful person inside so please don't leave me too early or you will miss out on all the great stuff that I am 'holding back' on right now."  But is that really what any of us are doing?  Aren't we slowly revealing ourselves little by little by just hanging out repeatedly with this new person anyway?  I would argue that you are doing what you want whether you like it or not.  The only thing is that by over analyzing yourself and whatever it is you THINK you are "holding back" you are actually just complicating a rather simple process that we all innately know how to do essentially from birth. All we are doing is getting in our own way from being ourselves.  And isn't that what you want to be able to be while hanging out with this new person and possible life partner?  Yes.  We all want to be ourselves with that special someone.  So, by holding back you are actually doing a dis-service to the future relationship we are all after.

Look, we can all agree that the longer you are in a relationship the harder it is to break it off.  I have a friend who just got out of a 1-year relationship and it was a hard break-up, as they all are for both parties.  He was "called out" for not being honest and true to himself and her in the relationship; and when he looked at himself and how he had been with her he had to agree that he was not being his true self...he was "holding back" because of being hurt in a previous relationship.  In another case from a while back, I was dating a girl for over two years when she broke up with me.  She stated that she was never really comfortable with me and she never felt like she was herself around me.  She was, for over two years, "holding back."  "Holding back" only prolongs the truth about a relationship making the eventual breakup harder in the end.  "Holding back" ourselves from a future partner is actually cowardly.  It is hiding from the truth and basically lieing to them and ourselves about who we are.  It is being scared that this relationship could actually be as wonderful and amazing as we want it to be.  I've done it.  We've all done it.

As I stated above, I understand why we do it, but I'm making a stand and saying "Enough!"  No more "holding back" or over analyzing or telling ourselves that the "time isn't right to reveal (blank) about myself."  No more!  Life is too short to not be ourselves. It's not fair to the person we are dating, or engaged to, or even married to.  It isn't fair to our future children, and it's definitely not fair to ourselves.  I'm not saying to reveal your happiest moment ever while sitting in a pew a at funeral, but use your common sense.

Now I'm also not saying that we should all go out on a first date reveal all our deepest, darkest secrets to anyone who will listen.  There is something wonderful about peeling back the layers of yourself like an onion as apposed to spilling everything about yourself in one sitting like cutting into a jelly donut.  After all, you need to also listen and learn about the person across the table from you as well.  And in that listening don't you expect them to be honest and forthright about who they are as well?  So why are we expecting something from them that we aren't bringing to the table ourselves?  And if you are both holding back that's even worse because then you are just dueling with each other daring the other person to "show their hand" first.  That can't ever lead to good things.

So, how do we be honest and share ourselves without doing it all at once?  What I'm saying is that if the moment to reveal something bubbles up inside you, be true to that.  Don't let your brain get in the way.  The other night I was sitting on the couch with this woman I have been seeing for just over a month.  We were watching TV and I felt the urge to actually snuggle.  But instead of scooting closer and pulling her in tighter I sat there and said, "no, no, I'm normally not a big snuggler so I dont' want to give the wrong impression of myself."  What?  Why?  I had to tell myself to stop over analyzing and just be true to the moment.  I pulled her close and she loved it.  No harm done and in the process I was being true to myself and the moment.  A win-win.

There is a phrase out there that has some truth to it, "Love like you've never been hurt."  I believe that is the only way to love, and the only way to find love in return.  I believe that the heart always loves like that but it's our brain playing the part of the over-protective parent that gets in the way and starts complicating things and telling us to "hold back, you don't want to scare them off like the last person."  We are perhaps a society that over thinks almost everything.  And maybe that's why finding true love can seem to be as hard as ever.  But what if we just get out of our own way, stop hiding pieces of ourselves, start having the courage to be who we are inside from the very beginning, and stop "holding back"?  I think if we can start doing that the possibilities, the friendships, and the love relationships will become deeper, less hurtful, and more meaningful than we ever dreamt possible.  What do we have to lose but more time and more pain? Take a chance, be yourself!

Phrases that are Lost in Translation

Length of Shower: Men translate this as time actually spent in the shower while woman think of it as the total amount of time spent in the bathroom --I have come to realize that men and women, in general, translate different words and phrases to mean different things.  Below is a short list of some of my discoveries in this area.

MOM WARNING: MOM, STOP READING HERE. READ FURTHER AT YOUR OWN RISK

Phrase: "just a minute"
Woman Translation: More than 5 minutes and less than 45 minutes
Man Translation: 1 to 3 minutes

Phrase: "Vacation"

Woman Translation: A nice time spent in a foreign country going to museums and looking at historic buildings and ruins and catching some rays of sun on the beach while meeting interesting old couples who have been married for 60 years.

Man Translation:  Time away from work where I can drink and lay around and do basically nothing.

Phrase: "going to see family"

Woman Translation: I must get my hair done and nails done and look my best for my (or his) mother so she doesn't judge me too harshly.  Also, we should come bearing gifts for anyone in our family under the age of 15 so they think we are the greatest Aunt and Uncle in the world and thus I can make my siblings (or sibling-in-law) look bad as parents

Man Translation:  Sweet!  I get to have a beer with my dad and brothers.  OR....Oh CRAP!  we are seeing HER family?

Phrase:  "Me Time"

Woman Translation: Great!  What did I do wrong that he needs to spend some time alone?  Is he seeing someone else?  Is he sneaking off someplace to hang out with those disgusting friends of his?  Why?  Why does he need alone time?  Am I not enough?  Why?

Man Translation: YES!  Can't wait to sit for over an hour and play my X-Box!  

Phrase: "Surfing the net"

Woman Translation: Catching up on my friends and facebook and reading a few blogs about sewing and what other young couples are doing with their lives and picking up some great ideas.

Man Translation: Check e-mail.  Check sports scores.  Look at porn.  

Phrase:  "a bar"

Woman Translation:  A dirty place with filthy restrooms full of disgusting drunks and loose woman.

Man Translation: A place to drink beer and watch sports

Phrase:  "watching the game"

Woman Translation: So he can drink and fart and be filthy and rude with his friends

Man Translation: Watching a game with a beer in hand.  Friends are optional.

Phrase:  "True Love"

Woman Translation: Finding my soul mate who understands my every wish and thought without me even saying anything.  

Man Translation: An independently wealthy woman who loves sports, beer and lots of hardcore sex.

Phrase: "First Date"

Woman Translation:  A nice dinner with a new man to see if I want him to eventually father our 6 future children and provide me with a huge house and regular trips to Spain and France for romantic get-a-ways every 6 months until he dies at the ripe age of 65 leaving me with a fortune in gold and riches.

Man Translation:  A waste of a lot of money just to see if I want to have sex with this woman.

Phrase: "Sex"

Woman Translation: a nice romantic and gentle frolic in my bedroom with candles and wine and lots of bonding 'pillow talk' for hours afterward.

Man Translation: A quick romp anywhere except the bedroom so I at least have an interesting story to share with my boys.

Phrase: "Making Love"

Woman Translation:  A nice romantic elongated sexual bonding on the tops of clouds between two lovers who were made for each other while soft music plays and the smell of lavender fills the air and he fulfills my every need emotionally in one transcendent climax like I have never felt before.

Man Translation: Oh Great.  I have to perform at least 20 minutes of 'foreplay' before we actually have sex and I can go to sleep. 

Phrase:  "Marriage"

Woman Translation:  Professing our love to the world so that everyone knows we will be together for an eternity never to desire anyone else and to live in harmony with several kids in a large house in the suburbs.

Man Translation:  WHAT!!??!?!?

Phrase: "Children"

Woman Translation:  Beautiful versions of us that will be smart and popular and someday be president of a large company or maybe the world.

Man Translation:  Slobbery, loud, bothersome midgets who will take all my money and cut into my valuable drinking and sex time.

Phrase: "A night in together"

Woman Translation:  A nice cooked meal of chicken and asparagus and some potatoes with my favorite glass of wine before cuddling up on the couch to watch Beaches for the 100th time and crying our eyes out together in a hugely bonding experience.

Man Translation: Pizza and beer and watching Star Wars for the 100th time before hardcore sex in the living room and then sleeping hard.

Yea, this may never end.  Remind me how men and woman get along again?  Just kidding, we love each other, right?  Right?

Peter's Gates

Length of Shower: I wonder if there will be showers in heaven? --Today I was thinking about heaven.  Not sure why but I was.  Maybe because taking a shower sometimes feels like heaven, especially after you come off of several days straight of playing sports, drinking, staying up late and not getting good sleep.  Whatever the reason, I was thinking about heaven.  Not all of heaven or what it will be like, but more specifically I kept thinking about the gates of heaven.

I remembered a joke about the gates of heaven, it goes like this:
A guy goes to the gates of heaven where he meets St. Peter.
St. Peter says to him, "God has looked at your book of life, and you are welcome in heaven under one condition."  The man says, "What's that?"
St. Peter says, "You must spell the word 'Love'."
So the man does and he is let in to heaven.
As he is walking in, St. Peter's beeper goes off.
He asks the man to watch the gate until he returns, and reminds him that he must ask whoever comes to spell the word 'Love.'
Next thing you know, the man's wife shows up at the gate and he asks her, "What are you doing here?"  She says that on the way home from the funeral, there was an accident and she died.
The husband says, "Alright, but you have to spell one word first before you come in to heaven."
She asks, "What's that?"

He answered, "Spell Czechoslovakia."

While the joke is funny, it got me to thinking about the gates of heaven and the fact that St. Peter is always there letting people in.  Now, I was raised going to church and I know a bit about the bible and the disciples of Jesus and all that.  I remembered that Peter was a fisherman with no formal education.  So I wondered: Why is a fisherman in charge at the gates of heaven?  I mean of all the disciples shouldn't it be Matthew who is charge at the gates of heaven?  He was a tax collector and was educated.  He was good at math and sorting and numbers.  Now with the massive amount of people I feel are lined up at the gates of heaven waiting to get in, shouldn't it be Matthew who is in charge of that?  I mean Matthew is more of a type-A personality right?  And what we know of Peter is that while he had great faith, he wasn't the smartest tool in the Carpenter's collection.  So unless heaven is kind-of a mess (fishing boats are not the cleanest and most organized places on the planet), I really think Matthew should be in charge at the gates of heaven.  


But I'm neither a fisherman, nor tax collector, nor disciple and haven't been to church in a while...so what do I know?  Except that I do feel it shouldn't be Peter.  What about John?  Or how about not going with a disciple at all?  You know who should get the honor of working that post at the gates of heaven...one of Jesus' siblings!  Yea, according to scholars Jesus had several brothers and sisters (Joseph and Mary apparently didn't learn their lesson from all the trouble Jesus caused when he was born so they felt the need to keep popping 'em out).  But you never hear about them and they never get any credit or special attention at all.  So, why not have them at the gates of heaven?  Or what about Lazarus?  He died twice, he would certainly qualify for knowing what it takes to get into heaven, I mean the guy made it in twice!  


My point is that while I am not qualified to say who should or should not work at the gates of heaven, I'm just saying Peter should be like the 10th choice, not the first choice.  No offense to God, or Jesus, or Peter himself but when I die and go to heaven I would love to be surprised and find someone OTHER THAN Peter working the old pearly gates!

"More" or "Less"

Length of Shower:  My shower today was extensive --I am not a great person with vocabulary words (as you can probably tell by this point).  But it seems to me that there are a lot of words out there to describe “many” or “a lot” like: frequent, multitude, plethora, tons, often, numerous, periodic, bountiful, several, countless, and even rife to name only some off the top of my head.  But there aren’t nearly as many words to describe a small amount like: few, scarce, rare, meager, sparse, poor, and seldom.  Now there are ways of describing a smaller amount by using a form of a large amount word, like the words infrequent or uncommon; but that’s not what I’m talking about.  I'm talking about actual root words.  Of course, I haven’t actually researched this but I feel like if I did I would find this to be true.  This leads me to think that this issue contributes to some of our societal issues with money and greed.  We have more words for “more” and a lot less words for “less” and therefore we think more in terms of more and that thinking leads to selfishness and greed.  

Speaking of that, I would like some more variety of morning cereal in my cabinet, I don’t think 5 is enough.  Sorry about that randomness, but I’m just ravenous today.  Ah, see...another word for "more"!

Review: Sucker Punch

Length of Shower: Ah, but was it really a shower? --I sometimes like going to a movie by myself.  You get to sit where you want, get whatever concessions you want, and even watch whatever movie you want all without compromising with anyone else or dealing with their talking or judgements.  It's nice.  It reminds me that I am still me and I'm an independent person.  I like it; particularly when it's late on a Wednesday night and there are only 4 other people in the theater.  I totally ignore them and pretend the theater is my own private theater at some mansion I own in the Hollywood Hills.  But enough about me.

Speaking of fantasies and going to movies alone, the other day I went to the movies alone and saw Sucker Punch.  What I got was only partially what I expected.  I expected to have a lot of violence and sexy women and a loose plot line that allowed for more heavily DGI produced violence with sexy chicks never far from the frame.  And while I did get most of that I also got so much more.

Once I actually let my guard down and stopped judging the heavily stylized digital world that the movie was in, I was kind of blown away.  I found myself, normally a big plot guy, anticipating and even thirsting for the battle scenes.  Each scene had higher stakes and more hurdles, which was cool, but more than that each scene was a well orchestrated painting by a master.  I found myself feeling like I was at a gallery opening of a painter, who in this case was director Zach Snyder, in which his work was similar in style but each more fascinating and wonderfully complex than the previous.  I didn't want to stop looking at the current painting but I also couldn't wait to get onto the next.  It was a strange and unique movie going experience that caught me by surprise.

The other thing that I didn't expect was such a complex and multi-layered plot.  The film moves along on two, and arguably three, different realities and you find yourself living in all three at the same time without straining to keep up as if you were watching Inception.  The ease with with Sucker Punch pulls you along all three of these plains isn't really coherent until the final scene when you finally realize that whichever plain is real doesn't even matter.  What matters is the message of the film you weren't aware was there until the final word of the film is spoken and it hits you like a ton of bricks that this movie had an actual and important message to the world.

It goes without saying that I expected little from this film but got a huge wake-up call.  I find myself three days later still being inspired and in awe of the film.  That is what movies are supposed to be but they rarely are these days.  So, in short, I was pleasantly surprised and even moved by Sucker Punch and I would recommend it to anyone over the age of 18; because after all the five main characters are young, attractive females who are scantily dressed the entire time...but again, you hardly notice because of everything else going on.  It's safe to say I was "Sucker Punched," and I liked it.

Rocket Propulsion

Length of Shower: 11 min --I’m not a rocket scientist (Big surprise, I know!), but I think I have an idea for how to propel rockets into space that maybe they haven’t tried yet.  What about using gravity and momentum to help?  Am I crazy here?  It seems like if they were to build a platform like 50 or 100 stories off the ground and then a large tube in a huge “U” shape with rocket booster explosions on one side; that could work.  Then you send the rocket down the slick tube and by the time it got to the other side, the "up" side, of the “U” shape it would already have enough momentum from the drop that the energy it would take to push it would be a lot less than they are using now.  See?  Use gravity, like on those hot wheels tracks you got as a kid and you had to attach it to a table and send the cars racing down the track and off a ramp at the end.  Same basic concept, except you would need timed explosions on the end of the ramp aimed straight up to give it that extra push.  But still, it seems like it would save NASA some energy costs because you wouldn’t need as powerful of an explosion to get the rocket started, gravity and momentum would take care of that for you.  But again, I’m not a rocket scientist, so what do I know?

With Age Comes Wisdom, I guess.

Length of Shower: In a conventional shower Set water to 125 degrees and shower for 8-12 minutes --Today in the shower I kept a running tally of the interesting things I have learned since turning 29 again.  It is true that things change as you age and so most of these things are gems of wisdom that used to be true but age has changed them.  I share this list with you now...

1. You can no longer eat an entire box of Mac-N-Cheese in one sitting without repercussions to your stomach later
2. If you are still at a bar and alone and are the oldest one there after 1AM; just go home.
3. Losing your hair does not mean you are losing your soul or mind.
4. Getting drunk the night before no longer means you can be a normal functioning human being before noon the following day.
5. When drinking the night before drink lots of water before bed
6. Is it me or has music gotten louder in every club, bar and restaurant lately?
7. You must now stretch before doing any sort of athletic venture or you will seriously hurt yourself.
8. Stop hitting on people below the age of 25, it's just creepy.
9. It is OK if someone calls you "sir" and is not a reason to fly off the handle
10. 3-day "binges" are now out of the question
11. It is no longer "cute" or in anyway acceptable to play on the playground unless you are with someone under the age of thirteen
12. Drinking wine is now considered "distinguished and sophisticated."
13. Stop ordering Chicken McNuggets from McDonald's for yourself.  That's just weird now.
14. Having enough fiber in your diet actually matters now
15. The Yankees will always be hated by most sports fans.
16. Move to a warmer climate.  You can always visit winter if you miss it.
17. Few things will re-energize you or keep your life in perspective better than spending an hour with someone under the age of nine.
18. Grey hair can make you "distinguished" to others, but normally just makes you feel old.
19. Yes, college kids do get younger every year.
20. Talking to yourself in public can make you endearing, but not for another 10 years
21. Your farts no longer have any chance of not having an odor to them, keep that in mind
22. Waking up after 9am is now considered "sleeping in"
23. Learning something new everyday and having hope for tomorrow are the keys to staying young at heart.