Dating the Modern Woman

Length of Shower: What I need is the water, but I don't want to have to need it --It's always nice to have a friend of the opposite sex to bounce things off of, right?  Someone that can give you the "other perspective."  Women have those best guy friends and men have their sisters or an ex or occasionally an actual female friend.  I went out the other night for dinner with an old such female friend of mine who I haven't spoken to in years.  While catching up was great, we eventually got around to discussing our dating lives. And after a few drinks the discussion on both sides, from her perspective and from my confusion, kept coming back to a recurring theme about the modern woman.

The modern woman is far more complex than she has ever been in the history of the world.  We got as close as ever to having a woman president recently, Oprah is one of the richest people in the world, and the gap in pay between men and woman is the smallest its ever been.  Yes, woman are more independent and stable than ever. And that is great!  However, that does incur some problems when it comes to dating.

Consider that traditional dating involves the male basically courting and wooing the female.  This has traditionally meant that the man pays for most of the costs of dating.  It also means that as the relationship progressed it was the man who was responsible for "bringing home the bacon" or at least most of it.  But as time moved forward and women became more independent they wanted to lean on men less.  And never have they had to lean less than right now.  And again, I feel that is amazing and I congratulate our society and women for making those strides.  The problem is that the social morays and rules and expectations within the dating world have not kept up; dating is lagging behind for whatever reason.  In dating it is still the man who is expected to pay for a majority of things and is still expected to woo the female by any means necessary.  This is a generalization I understand, but a truth none-the-less.

What my friend and I discovered was that both males and females are confused when it comes to dating and female independence.  According to her, females still want to be wooed and courted and "taken care of."  But from a man's perspective I said that what I'm hearing from females more and more is that they want to be independent and "take care of themselves."
She responded with, "We do!"
"Ummmm, what?  So, you want to be both 'taken care of' AND 'take care of yourselves'?"
"Yes," she said.
I waited in silence looking at her until she realized what I said.
"Oh yea, I guess that is kinda confusing huh?"
We continued to discuss the dilemma within the mindset of both men and woman in today's modern age.  How can a woman be both taken care of AND be independent?  And the answer we came up with was that we didn't know.  We appeased ourselves by calling it a "case by case" situation and leaving it at that.    But here I am still pondering this complex question the following day.  How can I make a woman feel taken care of but at the same time allowing her to feel independent?

Now, I'm sure there is a Sex and The City episode about this someplace, but in the meantime if you have any input on this at all, place it in the comment box below so it can help out the desperate singles out there who toil over this issue when the bill arrives at the end of nearly every date or when the impulse comes to place an arm around on another without making someone feel inadequate or like a trophy on the other's arm.  Wow, dating in the modern age is complicated!