Length of Shower: You can tell the length by what I'm not wearing --So, I've been in a few airports recently as I've been traveling, thus the lack of posts for a couple days. In my travels I've passed through and had layovers in several airports across the country and I've discovered that as I walk down the terminal I rarely have to look at the gate sign to see where a certain plane is heading. No, often times I just have to look at the people and I can tell right away. Let me take you down a terminal and explain as I go.
As I ride the moving sidewalk I pass gates D2 through D5. The gate area for D2 is packed with older, mostly caucacian people. Hardly anyone under the age of 60 and they are all dressed for warm weather and in bright colors. It is a loud gate as the people seem to be yelling at each other. That's not exactly true, however, as I quickly realize they are just speaking really loudly to each other so they can communicate and actually hear one another. There are no less than 5 wheelchairs in the gate area ready to take those pre-boarding passengers who need assistance. This will no doubt clear out half the people in this gate. They also all have their tickets in there hands and at the ready. Most of them are reading actual books or newspapers and not one of them is on a cell phone. My guess is that this plane will be heading to Arizona. As I glance up to the board at Gate D2 the sign says, "Phoenix" and it is due to start boarding in about 45 minutes. Ah, yes, I should have known that these same people would be EXTREMELY early as to not miss this flight.
Next is gate D3. This gate is quite a contrast to D2. This gate is only moderately filled and there are "buffer seats" between parties to distiguish themselves and to provide space between themselves and anyone they don't know. The people in this gate run the gamut of cultures and race. There is white and black and Latino and eastern European as well as a sprinkling of Asian and then every race/color in-between. An eclectic bunch to say the least. But there are three things that tie these folks together. They are all in dark colors. Mostly black and variations of black, these folks dressed well and hip and up-to-date with the fashion of the day but all in dark colors. The second thing that they have in common is that they are all using their cell phones or iPads. No one is talking in person to anyone else but they are all engaged intensely in their own electronic devices. I quietly wonder what they will do with themselves when they board the plan and are asked to turn all these devices off; but the thought goes away swiftly as I realize their ages. There is no one under the age of 24 or over the age of 40 in this gate at all! A very age specific gate it would appear. Like a hipster club of darkly dressed extras from the Matrix movies but without the glasses. They must be heading to New York I assume without much hesitation. Checking my hypothesis I see that I am right on the money, "New York--La Guardia" the sign answers back. Ha! Two for Two...perfect so far.
Gate D4 is a bit tougher. Not the people, but placing them to a specific city will be tough. They are a larger group of people, and by that I mean heavier. Everyone in this group is easily fifteen to forty pounds overweight...except of course for the tall skinny teenager in the corner. This group is all white skinned and most of them are wearing sweatshirts routing for some type of football team. NFL and college teams alike. The sweatshirts advertise the sport but not an overwhelming majority for one team in particular. No, that would make this too easy. Like when you spot a gate of Nebraska Husker fans you know exactly where they are going; but this group in D4 was difficult to pin down. The ages made it tougher as well because they ranged from infants crying to a few scattered and exhausted looking couples well over 70 years old. This was a tough plane to pinpoint but my brain settled on three places, each had its pull. But forcing myself to choose one, I went with the safe choice: Chicago. The sign read, "Detroit" and I counted that as 3/4 correct since they are very close in both geography and lifestyle. So I was now 2 3/4 out of 3 gates. Pretty good!
The final gate in this impromptu test on myself was D5. While I was hoping it would be empty and therefore secure my own personal victory; it was, in fact, full. OK, bear down and start judging you over confident fool. So that I did. The gate was full of a range of people and the first thing I noticed were all the sunglasses. Almost everyone was wearing sunglasses! Ha! "Somewhere in California," I immediately concluded. "But where?" For that I had to look closer. So, I exited my futuristic sidewalk and strode a little closer to the gate. That's when I had an overwhelming and funny feeling in my loins. Like that feeling you get when a lover turns down the lights and starts talking in their best bedroom voice. It was a good feeling that emanated from the entire gate. I shook it off as best I could and focused in on the details of the people. These people were all gorgeous! I had quick, uncontrolled and fanciful visions of each person as I looked at them. They were each more perfect than the next. Age had nothing to do with it as they ranged from early twenties to over sixty, but each one was a perfect specimen of human characters and archetypes. I could also feel how impersonal, yet confident and egotistical this group was. I was both excited and afraid. Afraid they would use me up in some inappropriate way and then spit me back out; and excited for the same reason! It was both scary and exciting. Not knowing what to do I picked up my pace and cleared the gate area as fast as possible. When I had time to process and clear my head I knew at once that plane was headed for LAX. A quick and calculated glance over my shoulder confirmed it.
That's when I smiled at my little successful experiment. While I know that there are exceptions to every rule and that each person is as beautiful and unique as a snowflake, let's be honest with ourselves too. As general groupings go, it's not that difficult to place groups into regions and cities and typical standards. And it's not a bad thing either. Each group and region of this wonderful country has its little "claim to fame" places and people take pride in that, and they should. But go ahead and try this little experiment for yourself the next time you are in an airport. It doesn't hurt anyone and its a great way to people watch. Plus, if the electronic board above your boarding gate ever goes down you can rest easy knowing that by looking at the people around you, you are still headed in the right direction.
Happy flying, ya'll!
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